THE ROYAL AND GERMANIC REPUBLIC  OF GEORGE

Unilateral declaration of independence, bill of rights and constitution of 2000.

             
Contents:

 

1.      Preamble

2.      The Bill of Rights

    3.     Absolute elimination of the fannier

4.     The Academic Environment

    5.      Pets

6.      Justice

    7.  Sport and leisure

8.  System of Government

Appendix A: List of Approved Ales

Preamble

 

This document serves immediate notice of the City of George’s intention to secede immediately from the Republic of South Africa. We feel that South Africa has shown an alarming tendency to fanny about, and are convinced that this trend is set to continue.

 

George is a city with proud traditions and a culture of its own. Our interests have not been catered for by the New South Africa, and we have decided that enough is enough. After unsuccessful attempts to negotiate the secession of the whole of the Western Cape, we have decided to go it alone.

 

Any attempt by the South African Defence Force, or any other concerned party, to use force to prevent secession is not recommended.

 

This document hereby establishes the Republic of George as a Constitutional Monarchy, in that Papa O is king and only he may alter the terms of this constitution. More importantly, the constitution and the Bill of Rights make known the deeply-held values and principles that are behind the George way of life, and which have been ruthlessly suppressed by the Mbeki regime. For example, Pretoria has consistently refused to declare George a controlled-climate zone.

 

We, too, would like to honour our heroes of the past. This document is the cultural legacy of many a physician, mathematician, engineer and brewer. Their descendants will be the beneficiaries of George’s new autonomy. To those who have fannied about within our borders, the time to flee is at hand.

 

In terms of this Constitution, the establishment of the Republic of George is entirely constitutional. We are breaking away because Papa O said we should.

 

Once again, resistance in any form is not encouraged.

 

 

  

The bill of Rights

(With thanks to the South African Constitution of 1996)

Fundamental Rights

1. Everyone has the right to a fridge

2. Everyone has the right to cold ales.

Equality

3. All no-fanniers are equal before the law

Human Dignity

 4. Is not a priority in George

 Life

 5. Is a series of greasy, heavy-duty challenges.

Slavery, servitude and forced labour

6. Please refer to the Section 4.

Freedom of expression

 7. Everyone has the right to freedom of expression, which does NOT include-

 a) Reading or writing newspapers

b) Indulging in any art forms whatsoever

    It DOES include-

c) propaganda for war against Knysna

d) incitement of imminent violence against fanniers

e) advocacy of hatred that is based on fannying about

Assembly, demonstration, picket and petition

8. Everyone has the right, peacefully and unarmed, to assemble, to demonstrate, to picket, and to present petitions. These will be presented at 14 Moodie Street, where Papa O will deal with demonstrators - alone and unarmed.

Citizenship

9. Is a privilege

Freedom of trade, occupation and profession

 10. Everyone has the right to choose their trade, occupation or profession freely. The choices are: Engineer, mathematician, physicist, sportsperson, animal-keeper, border-guard, brewer.

 Language and culture

 11. Will be High German.

 Just administrative action

 12. Everyone has the right to administrative action that is lawful, reasonable and procedurally fair, except in cases of High Treason.

 Access to courts

 13. Anyone may present themselves at 14 Moodie Street for spit roasting.

 Arrested, detained and accused persons

 14. Everyone who is arrested for allegedly committing an offence has the right to remain silent.

 Limitation of rights

 15. Papa O may change your rights at any time.

 States of emergency

 16. In the case of a heatwave, underground freezer shelters will be provided.

 Interpretation of Bill of Rights

 17. The Chief Justice of George, resident at 14 Moodie Street, will interpret the Bill of Rights.

 Fannying About

 18. Nobody has the right to fanny about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

ABSOLUTE ELIMINATION OF THE FANNIER

Fanniers shall be removed by the following means:

 

Þ Sheer terror and threats of physical violence.

Þ Actual physical violence

Þ Spit roasting

Þ Strict border control

 

                   Ý Guidelines for border police

 

Look intimidating. Look Brutal. Carry guns.

 

-Search for academic record

-Search for textbooks

 

Admission will be granted to:

 

+German passport holders

+Namibian passport holders

+Drivers of 4x4 vehicles on the list approved by the Lord of No-Fannying.

+Diesel-engined vehicles (Drain the tanks of all petrol cars)

+Cars containing more than 1000 ales may be considered.

   (see appendix A: list of approved ales)

+Cars carrying any number of Prize Welsh Leeks

+B.Sc students

 

Admission will NOT, under ANY circumstances, be granted to:

+Godfrey Meintjies

+Mark Sainsbury

+Philosophy lecturers

 

The George Academic

Environment

George is committed to nurturing no-fowlerers that will keep up its proud traditions. To this end, the following Education Regulations are in place:

 

Primary Schools: Outeniqua

 

+ The following subjects will be compulsory:

Quantum Physics, Advanced Integration, Linear Algebra, Computer Science, Clever Counting, Astrophysics, String Theory, Engineering, Physical Education, Operator Calculus, Engineering (choice of civil or electrical).

History of Germany, Martial Arts, Conflict Management will be given as options.

+ Classroom conditions:

Air-conditioners will be installed in all classrooms where the temperature shows a tendency to rise above freezing.

Pupils caught using Microsoft Word will be expelled.

High Schools:  York, Outeniqua, PW Botha. Subjects and conditions as above.

Tertiary Education:

The George education system is a COMPLETE education system. Should you wish to study a non-approved subject, you shall have to study outside of George’s borders. A Damelin campus has been established for the use of Knysna students (daylight entry by temporary visa only).  After school, you are ready to no-fowler. 

Permanent residency will be granted on matriculation, on condition that two new mathematical theorems are proved every day before sunset. These will be handed to the King of George for stamping and approval.

Pets

 

Certain animals are NOT permitted in George. They may be brought in by visitors on the understanding that they may be killed immediately a local spots them. Alternatively, they may be left at the border, where their safety can unfortunately NOT be guaranteed.

The following are banned:

- Cats of the domestic variety

- Poodles or Pekinese dogs. Chihuahua’s and Dachshunds.

- Goldfish

- Canaries or budgies

- Horses

 The following are actively encouraged:

 - Gorillas

- Tasmanian Devils

- Bears

- Rottweilers

- Large cats (leopards, cheetahs and lions)

- Piranhas

- The Yeti

For a house’s temperature regulation to be above suspicion, it is expected that a thriving polar bear and penguin colony be living in the garden.

It is strongly advised that, in order to preserve the general peace, every garden be well fenced-off from the next.

Justice (and punishment)

“Will teach…big lesson”

Constitutional Law

 The following offences are regarded as HIGH TREASON:

  -  Not proving the required two theorems per day.

  -  Not respecting the King of George.

-         Not having a CAW license plate

-         Putting a CAW license plate on a non-George car.

-         Drinking non-approved ales, or not drinking ales.

-         Spending any length of time in Knysna.

-         Maintaining non-approved temperatures

AND ESPECIALLY:

-         Having any suspicion of being a fannier.

-         Knowingly allowing a fannier into your home

-         Maintaining contact with fanniers in the outside world

-         Having children that are fanniers

-         Smuggling fanniers into George.

-         Not spit-roasting fanniers

-         Having the name Sainsbury

-         Taking holidays in fannying destinations

-         Taking holidays.

-         Fannying about.

-         Disturbing Papa O on a Saturday afternoon.

Judicial Procedure:

If charged on an ordinary offence, the George High Court, in traditional Western fashion, will deal with the person. This is highly non-controversial, thoroughly free and fair, and entirely beyond suspicion. IF, however, a person is charged on high treason, he will be summarily despatched, by police escort, to the seat of the highest court in the land, that is 14 Moodie Street. Should the Chief Justice be at work, the accused will be placed on slow roast until his return and consumption of a few post-work ales. From then on, provision is made in this constitution for all hell to break loose. The accused is beyond the help of the law. He will most likely be punished in one of three ways:

 

* Delicate spit roasting. With seasoning added to taste.

* An indefinite spell in George dungeon, where the temperature is maintained at –60 degrees (A daily requirement of 350 theorems is required. This punishment will only be given to those who are believed to have a chance of rehabilitation.

* Finally, and most formidably… THE HAND.

 Should the victim land outside of George, the matter is no longer under George jurisdiction. Mossel Bay or Knysna will have to deal with the corpse.

 

Sport and Leisure

Sport

 

*All citizens of George will support the South Western Districts rugby team. The Eagles/Arende will be withdrawn from the Currie Cup and apply to the International Rugby Board for Test status. The IRB are advised to ensure that this is a formality. The Eagles shall continue to play their home matches at Outeniqua Park. The Arende pre-match wardance will come into general use from 2001 onwards. All staff involved with the rugby union are appointed by the George Sovereign, who may also overrule any team selections.

*The following sports will not be played in George: Cricket, Tennis, Chess, Hockey.

 *Mountain-biking is to be a major pastime. Weekly stonings will be held in the town square for anyone who does not own a mountain-bike. A Ministry for Mountain Biking will be established in order to regulate mountain-biking and build additional mountain bike trails. These trails shall be:

     /Brutal

    /Gradient at least 45 degrees

   /Of length no less than 100km

Bike-lifts will be provided for the downhill sections.

No escape routes will be provided.

 

Food

Here is the menu:

Breakfast: (If necessary)

Bits of broken porcelain in water. Hot sauce added to taste.

Paraguayan coffee

 Lunch:

 One large pig (or fanniers in season), to be cooked out of doors. Chilli sauce compulsory.

Hot coals

Potatoes

Pumpkin

Lime cordial

 Supper:

 Ales (see appendix A)

Shrapnel Surprise (with oil sauce)

Ice cream with hot chilli sauce

 Before Bed:

 Uruguayan coffee

Cars

ALL CARS MUST RUN ON DIESEL!!! LEAVE ORDINARY PETROL AT CUSTOMS!!

* All cars will be registered with the George traffic department.

  CAW license plates will of course be issued (see Appendix B)

* Mercedes vehicles (particulary chuggers) will be respected.

* Quality 4-wheel-drive off-road machinery will be respected.

* They should be as much like Gelanderwagens as possible. They may

  be of any nationality, provided they are up to standard.

* Other German-manufactured vehicles will be permitted, but viewed

  with contempt.

* No other motor-vehicles are allowed, except as provided in this          

  clause

* Road-trains are welcome, but parking is not available.

Recreation

(SEE APPENDIX A!!!)

! Recreation is compulsory !

Recreation shall involve ales. It shall in fact involve consumption of copious amounts of ale. It may also involve copious amounts of food. Recreation shall involve ales. On Saturday afternoons, it shall consist in watching rugby, either at Outeniqua Park or on television. Recreation shall involve ales. Social occasions may be enlivened by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Recreation shall involve ales. Hand-brake turns on the N2 as well as generally causing havoc in Knysna are encouraged. Recreation shall involve ales. Playing hunt-the-fannier may provide slim pickings in George, but Knysna is a goldmine. Recreation shall involve ales. Everyone should be involved in sporting activity, followed by ales. Recreation shall involve ales. Recreation is limited to weekends and evening-hours. Recreation shall involve ales. Recreation is only allowed after submission of daily theoroms. Finally, recreation shall involve ales.

System of Government

 

"WE REALISE THAT DEMOCRACY IS AN IDEAL TO WHICH WE ALL STRIVE. AS SUCH, IT IS A WASTE OF TIME AND HAS NO PLACE IN THIS CONSTITUTION."

~~ Papa O is King, Absolute Sovereign, Head of State, Minister of Defence, President and Prime Minister.

~~ George is a constitutional monarchy, which means that 14 Moodie Street doubles as Royal Palace and House of Parliament.

~~ State Departments are divided into the following categories:  

   * The Secret Police (Fannier elimination)

   * National Defence Force

     (Chief Commander: Papa O. Troops: One)

   * The Judiciary

             - The Supreme Court of Moodie Street

               (High treason only)

             - The George Magistrates Court (most       

               common-law crimes and civil cases.

             - Blanco and Pacaltsdorp Judiciary

               (all car-bomb cases)

   * Ministry for sport and recreation

   * Ministry for mountain-biking

   * Ministry for influx control

   * Ministry for ales

   * Ministry for pets

   * Ministry for lime cordial

~~ The Archduke may or may not choose to appoint

   trusted Ministers for these departments. He is

   automatically in charge of Justice and Defence.

~~ All important decisions will be referred to the

   Town Master for stamping.

 

PROCEDURE ON DEATH OF A MONARCH

The monarchy will not be strictly hereditary. The son of the monarch has first claim to the throne, but anyone may challenge him during the week preceding his coronation. Should anyone be foolhardy enough to do so, a series of events will determine the winner. This will consist of a prove-off (in which competitors must prove as many theoroms as possible in one day), a game of George tug-of-war, (in which competitors attempt to push each other out of George using only an inverted hand), a Chugger race down York Street, and finally a Windhoek Lager drinking competition (most ales drunk in a 7-hour period). The winner of the most events will be the new monarch. Should the competitors still be tied, there will be a mountain-bike race on a course that climbs and descends the George mountain. The loser will be the one that dies first.

                                         

Appendix A:

Ales approved by the King of George

Windhoek lager

Kronenburg 1664

XXXX

Guiness

Tafel lager

Grolsch

Warsteiner

Bitburger

Radeberger Pilsner

Das Pilsner

WINDHOEK SPECIAL

LIME CORDIAL (0% Low Fat)

AMSTEL LAGER