It's wrong for me to reveal exactly who inspired this volley of abuse, except to say that he goes by the alias Paddington and he was not a pleasant person with whom to share a small island. Suffices to say that he, by his sheer awfulness, genuinely caused us to collect all of the words below in the margins of our notebooks during lectures on a certain 'academic tour' to said island some years ago. And we thoroughly enjoyed doing so. But while you may not have been there, this may remind you of someone you know. There's a Paddington in every one of our lives.
PADDINGTON IS:
Dependant Uneducated
Mad Thoughtless
Grumpy
Ill-educated Capricious
Sheltered Pungent
Medium-rare Pastey
Non-descript
Insulting Misguided
Paranoid Arbitrary
Lumpy Lice-infected Vile
Balding Blobby
Stumpy Bumpy Grumpy Soulless
Crappy Odiferous Awkward Cold
Square-eyed Odious
Bland Acrid
Tactless Scarred Irritating
Drooly Pale
Unfriendly Unresponsive Cretinous Disgusting
Zombie-like Volatile
Constipated Gaunt
Guileless Sickly
Disagreeable Fungal
Pickled Sunken-eyed Unlikely
Bilious Alcoholic
Moody Bile-inducing Tragic
Underdone Under-nourished
Odd Off-pissing Traumatised
Drugged Scarified Allergy-prone
Diseased Draining
RancidSweetBog-breathed
Unkind Bumptious
Targetted
Clueless Skelm Foul-mouthed
Philosophical Seasick Flemmy
Crass Crude Unlikeable Ratty
Sickening Ostracized
Lonely
Clumsy Putrid Lanky Boorish
Bombastic Ignorant Bear-like Troll-like
Hat-happy Unbathed
Heartless Atrocious Self-pitying
Festering Nutty Inefficient
Bitter Rejected Stagnating Annoying
Difficult
Spiteful Two-faced Sly Mischievous
Self-indulgent
Sloppy Snotty Hyper-Hygienic
Toilet-happy Cynical Fish-lipped
Stinky Ungrateful Cheeky
Vengeful Miserly Reclusive
Lizard-tongued Pathetic Boring Greasy Negative Fussy Overweight
Selfish Rashy Sarcastic Abrupt Mean
Snappy Complaining Downright Nasty
Hard to please Worrisome
Detestable Wobbly Pimply Problematic
Grumpy Weak Worthless
Grubby Grumbly Hypercondriac
Snakish
Illegitimate
Undeserving Disfunctional Facecious
Illiterate Non-francophone Rakish
Spineless
Witless Graceless Unsociable
Antisocial
Unfit Rhythm-deficient
Round
Spoilt Vindictive Non-participatory Repetitive Sucky-accenty
By Richard Asher and Jessica Gomes, December 2000
Aside from omitting some of Gomes's finest contributions to the dictionary,
which I feel have no place on my site, I have stuck to the original and
resited the temptation to add more. This was all drawn up during the course
of one of Jean-Francois's lectures at Le Tampon (intrigued?),
most of of which was probably some appalling rude joke. I also realise this is not the first
list of insults I have drawn up, so if you find this insufficient to
describe Paddington, there are a few hundred more that also apply to Robert
Mugabe, to be found elsewhere on this site.
Also, for some equally applicable trash, try The Flame to End All
Flames
